Do you remember the composition you wrote about water safety? Did you enjoy the role play you had before writing the composition? I have picked out a good composition from our class. What do you think? Are you able to spot a couple of good phrases used?
Here it is.
"Alright boys, you have practised well today. Let's call it a day and we shall meet again tomorrow. As the competition is coming soon, go home and rest well." said the soccer coach before he dismissed the boys. John took his soccer ball and left the field.
On his way home, John dribbled his ball merrily along a canal. Suddenly, he tripped over a stone and fell. The ball rolled into the canal. As it was his favourite soccer ball, John desperately tried to get the ball back. He leaned over the railings and tried to retrieve the ball. At that moment, he accidentally fell into the canal.
John cried out in fright. He really hoped that a passer-by would come to his rescue. Fortunately at that moment, someone walked past the canal and heard John's cries for help. Without any second thoughts, the passer-by quickly jumped into the canal to save John. He swiftly swam towards John and saved him.
It was indeed a wonder that John was rescued in such a deep canal. However, John could not retrieve his soccer ball. Nonetheless, it was a good lesson learnt for John that day. He vowed never to commit the same mistake again.
I have 3 questions for you to think about.
(1) pick out 2 good words / phrases
(2) pick out a good idea / portion from the above composition that you think can improve the composition you wrote
(3)change the ending of this composition (last paragraph)
I think the this composition is well written .The phrases used in the composition is very good written .
ReplyDeleteVicki
the story was nice ,miss cao who's is it?
ReplyDeleteI know who is the mystery writer.but I can't tell
ReplyDeletethe class because she told me not to tell anyone.
The composition was written well.Ashley Liew,whose compo was that?
ReplyDeletecarmen i think is vieveka's.cause when i look at her she kept laughing
ReplyDeleteMerrily and swiftly.
ReplyDeleteParagraph 2.
He had learnt his mistake and won't do it again.
whose is this miss cao? I think is Joanna's.
ReplyDeletewell, this story is very intresting! I like it!As there are many good words.
ReplyDelete(1)The two words are dribbled his ball merrily along a canal and Without any second thoughts.
ReplyDelete(2)The writer can improve paragraph 2 or paragraph 3.
(3)The writer could make the last paragraph interesting like what is the mistake that John made.
This composition is very well written as well as it is very interesting.
jai hui your right it is me!
ReplyDeleteThe composition was very well written.I think the mystery writer is MS CAO!
ReplyDeleteLOVE
Michelle Lin
:) :) :)
no lah michelle b.viveka said is her,and viveka spell my name wrongly
ReplyDelete